Grief: Understanding the Stages and Giving Yourself Space to Heal
Grief doesn’t look the same for everyone, and it doesn’t follow a neat timeline. One day you may feel perfectly okay, and the next day something small, like a song, a memory, or even a random thought, can take you right back into your feelings. A lot of people think grief only happens when someone passes away, but it can show up after any major loss: a breakup, a friendship ending, losing a version of yourself, a dream you had for your life, or even routines and relationships that changed without warning. Understanding the stages of grief isn’t about “fixing” your emotions. It’s about recognizing them so you don’t feel alone or confused when they show up.
These stages come from the Kübler-Ross model, but in real life, they don’t always happen in order and you might revisit a stage more than once. Think of them as emotional checkpoints, not strict steps.
1. Denial
Denial is that moment when your mind tries to protect you from the full weight of the loss. You might tell yourself, “This can’t be happening,” or feel like you’re just going through the motions. It’s your brain’s way of easing you in slowly so you’re not overwhelmed all at once. Denial isn’t about ignoring reality. It’s about giving yourself time to adjust to it.
2. Anger
Anger shows up when the reality of the loss starts to settle in. You might feel frustrated, irritated, or mad at the situation, yourself, another person, or even the universe. Anger often comes from pain with nowhere to go. It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. Letting yourself feel it can actually help you move through it.
3. Bargaining
Bargaining is when your mind starts replaying things, trying to make sense of what happened. You might think, “What if I did this differently?” or “Maybe if I just…” It's a stage full of “maybes” and “if onlys.” This is your mind trying to regain control in a moment that felt completely out of your hands.
4. Depression
This stage can look like sadness, heaviness, withdrawal, or not having the energy you usually do. It’s not always dramatic, sometimes it’s quiet and internal. Feeling this way doesn’t mean you’re failing at coping. It means you’re acknowledging the depth of what the loss meant to you. Depression in grief is often a sign that you’re beginning to truly process everything.
5. Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re “over it.” It means you're learning how to live with the loss in a new way. Maybe you find small moments of peace again. Maybe the pain softens. Acceptance feels like understanding that life is moving forward, and you’re slowly finding your way with it.
Grief is complicated, and there’s no perfect way to go through it. Some days you’ll feel strong, and other days you’ll feel like you’re back at square one, and that’s okay. Healing isn’t linear. What matters most is giving yourself grace, being patient with your emotions, and remembering that you don’t have to rush your way through any stage. Grief changes you, but it can also open the door to deeper self-awareness, compassion, and growth.